Ezili

Why do we need Ezili, as a community? Isn’t prostitution a choice? Why should I spend my time and money to help sex workers get “real” jobs? Cannot they just do that themselves, if they really want to? Why should I pay for others bad choices? These might be the questions you ask yourself after reading about our mission at Ezili. In some ways its natural and we understand why you might feel hesitant to help. The answers to these questions are complex. The first thing we would tell you is that sex work covers a broad range of activities, and that it is more prevalent than you could imagine. Not everyone who sells their body even thinks of it as sex work. Many college student utilize websites like sugardaddy.com to find “boyfriends” willing to pay them for their company, with the understanding that it will be a mutually beneficial (sexual) relationship. The problem with any sexual activity for money is that it can become addictive. At first the partners aren’t so bad, but then women find themselves sleeping with men they find repugnant. You have already done it once, right? An internal change takes place, and suddenly you are someone who can be bought under the right circumstances. Sometimes this feels exciting and thrilling, even empowering. The problem is there is usually a crash and a feeling of disgust that must be processed in some way. Often these feelings get pushed aside, and often drugs, alcohol and excessive shopping are the ways that women and men cope with their new normal. The amount of sex workers who are addicts is hard to establish, but it is thought that as many as 80% of sex workers are also addicts of some sort. The longer a person stays in the world of trading your body for money, the harder it can be to leave. You feel marked, like other people will know your past or discover your other life. It separates you from close family and friends, if they do not know. It is easy to see why it would become harder to find a “regular job” after sex work. Some escorts and dancers make so much money they can save and buy homes and invest their money. Rarely do they get out unscathed, and it can feel like its never the right time. There is always another financial goal that could be achieved, prolonging the jump to mainstream work. And why not just do sex work forever? It is true you can work into your 60’s, as there is a market for all age groups and body types and gender expressions. Well, first off, there are no benefits, no healthcare, no social security, no dental. It is also nearly impossible to find a life partner, and to have children. Most people do not want to share their life with someone who shares their body with the paying public. Sex work is also very psychologically draining. Sex workers are often stand-ins for therapists, they take on the brunt of unprocessed emotions felt by their clientele. For many, this becomes debilitating. The clear answer is that sex work is often a choice at first, but after awhile it feels like destiny, and it becomes harder and harder to leave. Experts say it takes 7 or 8 times for an abused woman to leave her abuser for good. The psychology of sex work is much the same. A woman or man may try to leave many times before it actually “sticks.” Sex work is almost always done in the shadows. It separates an individual from their family and friends. Why should you help? Because a sex worker can be anyone-someone you love, and know well. And quite simply, every sex worker is someone else’s child. Sex workers are often regular people who get pulled in, usually by necessity and lack of other options. Once they are in, they get “stuck”. We want to help these people get out, when they lose the will and ability to be able to do it themselves.